Last spring I had the honor of working with a little PMU mare in California named ChiChi. As the story went, ChiChi had come to Gloria Pearson's horse rescue, Performance Equine Rescue Network (PERN), in Greenwood, California a few years ago with a halter on. When her halter fell off, she became untouchable and at the time I met her, she hadn't been touched in a couple years. ChiChi trimmed her own feet on the rocks and hard ground of the Sierra foothills and was a healthy and strong lead mare in her pasture.

When Gloria invited me to her ranch to do a clinic in the spring of 2009, she booked ChiChi in for a slot and asked me to do my best to get a halter on her in the four days I was there. I am happy to say that I failed in that goal.

I met ChiChi in a smaller pen that Gloria had set up within ChiChi's pasture on a rocky hillside. ChiChi was standing in the pen, an asymmetrically shaped rectangular-ish pen with a tree in one corner. I saw her as a little (maybe 14.2) hand homozygous bay tobiano mare with a number tattooed on her left crest and a brand on her left hip. When I climbed into the pen, she tried to climb out. She was clearly frightened of people. It was pure, unadulterated fear, nothing else. "I don't think she wants to be that way," Gloria said. I came to agree with her.

I figured if I was in ChiChi's shoes, I would be scared. REALLY scared. But if I was that scared, I thought I'd want someone to be straight and honest with me, not creep around me and try not to scare me so hard that they did. So that's what I did. It was tough going for both of us. I made mistakes and I hit a couple home runs. My first home run was agreeing with her that in order for me to touch her, she was going to need to stand next to the fence, so it could support her.

What ChiChi was dealing with was really difficult for us humans to imagine - that degree of fear and desire to just flee, run far, far away. I finished with her for the day and thought about her all night. I didn't know how the heck I was going to get a halter on her.

On day two, ChiChi met me in the middle of the pen and said it would be okay for me to touch her out there without the fence for support. I'd brought a string with me that I hoped to get around her neck. I didn't know how or when, but that was my plan. I petted her more that day, and once scared her silly by getting one of her mane hairs stuck underneath one of my fingernails and tugging on it by accident. That scared her silly. But then she went right back to work and by the end of day two, I was able to move around her with the string and pet her neck, back and chest.

I didn't get a halter on ChiChi in those four days. I did get a collar on her, from the right side. By the time I moved on, Gloria and I could enter the pen, fasten an old belt around ChiChi's neck, loop the string through it and lead her around. The mare looked happy and quiet.

I left Greenwood with thoughts of ChiChi running around my head - the feel of her coat, the witch knots in her mane and her quivering fear. I wished and hoped for her to have a good life, free of fear.

A couple of weeks after I left California, I received an e-mail from Gloria with a link to a video.... taken by Gloria herself as she haltered ChiChi out in the pasture, from the left side. Then she gave her a cookie and took her for a walk.

When I arrived in Greenwood to do another clinic for Gloria in May of 2010, I couldn't wait to see ChiChi, but I made myself wait until the clinic was done and my mind was free. I hiked out to her pasture, cookie in hand and walked right up to her, fed her the cookie and stroked her all over. She blinked and sighed and I walked around and she followed me. She touched me. It was lovely.

ChiChi didn't "learn something", Gloria said. ChiChi decided to change her way of thinking, her beliefs, her life. She decided not to be scared any more. She decided that people were okay. She just decided. That's what Gloria said and I couldn't help but agree.

So why can't we do that? Why is it so hard for us to change? ChiChi decided to change and she did. That's got me thinking pretty hard.

So how much does choice factor into what happens to us and what goes on in our lives? Can we make different choices? SHOULD we make different choices?

http://www.pernrescue.org/

Photo by Nanette Nickerson